Over 9 years after a terminal diagnosis

It is now over nine years since my terminal cancer diagnosis in 2016.

And – as you can see – I have not passed over yet. Just the opposite. I am well, started working again and live a joy-full and purpose-full life.

A lot has happened in the last nine years. After I got all my affairs in order – my legal papers including will, power of attorney etc,, cleared my personal belongings, downsized from a big fully furnished house to two rooms in a shared house within a couple of weeks, my life became so much clearer and very simple.

It felt great to have everything looked after and sorted so that other people wouldn’t have to deal with all my stuff when I passed over. A lot of people tend to leave their affairs for their family members to sort out. I don't have any relatives in Australia, but I would not want to leave a mess for anyone anyway, whether they are related to me or not.

I recovered from the lung surgery and slowly built up more strength and got healthier and stronger, having a consistent rhythm of exercise, walking, eating well, sleeping well and early, attending medical and other complementary healing appointments, connecting with my community and physically getting better and better.

At one point I felt so well and strong that I was moved to start working again which I hadn’t since years with being in and out of hospital and being on a disability pension.

Because I was working and making money I cancelled my disability pension. The person at Centrelink (the office dealing with pensions and unemployment benefits (benefits!) … did not believe that I really wanted to cancel my pension. He tried to convince me that I should not do it. But I was making money now, was feeling well, had no recurrences of the cancer for a couple of years and I felt I did not need it anymore, that it was irresponsible to still receive it.

Having cared for my good friend Judith and feeling better, I started to volunteer in the community caring for and supporting people; it felt natural to end up with caring and support work. I had no qualification but experience and was a natural in looking after sick people. It was in my body – my body knew what to do and I feel that it was something I had done in previous lives.

Now at age 72 years I still love my work and have completed just last week a recognised qualification in disability and aged care support work. I have friends who don’t understand why I still work when I don’t need to financially. But why not when I can, and I intend to keep working until my body doesn’t agree and does not co-operate anymore.

After the terminal diagnosis and when I had organised my affairs I felt complete with my life. I had let go of most material and a lot of emotional ‘stuff’ and was ready to pass over into another form of being outside of a physical body, and ready to come back and do it all over again – learn and get rid of more energetic baggage and karma and return to being fully with God again.

And then, over time, I noticed how slowly old patterns of how I used to live, think and move crept back into my life again. There was still more to learn and clear/let go off in this physical body. My Soul did not want me yet in my formless existence between the physical lives.

I could feel and was for a while aware that I started to want things again, wandering off into the future or the past, how I started to care again about what other people thought or said about me, was critical and judgemental towards myself and others. "Oh no", I sometimes thought, my life having just been simpler and clearer like never before in this life, now complications and attacks came in again, mainly in the form of thoughts.

For example, expectations started sneaking in about my own passing over. I cannot expect that I will pass over with as much joy and grace as Judith did and with so little pain. I can't have any pictures of how I might pass over.

I keep learning a lot, like how to deal with the mental attacks, the thoughts that are not mine but are being fed to me from a force or energy that hates me being so well and deeply connected with God. They are losing their power over me, and they don’t like it.

I feel my Soul. And I feel ever more surrendered, clearer, more joy-full, harmonious and truth-full, and live simpler in preparation for the next life so that I can be more of service to humanity. Living an amazing life and reflecting an energy representing Heaven, Joy, Truth, Love and Harmony so others might see that this is also available to them.

And the cancer? It feels like it is something of a previous life. I don’t think or worry about it, it is still part of my life but doesn’t get any energy or emphasis.

In the last appointment a year ago, the medical scans couldn’t detect cancer anymore, but I still take the medication in the smallest dose possible (one tablet a week instead of daily) and can comfortably live with the small effects from it. I tried twice to stop taking them and both times the cancer activated again. I was told I probably will have to take them till I pass over which can be anytime – 20 years? 10? One year? Whenever it is, I surrender to The Plan. Having done it before and without struggle or resistance, it does not worry me.

I sometimes jokingly say that the cancer and I joyfully co-inhabit this body. I look after the body, love and respect it and the cancer doesn’t need to grow, is just sitting there, being. It is not the enemy.